Re-Snooze...

I decided to delete 'My Reviews' Blog since not only does nobody ever read it, but I never really update it. However, in light of the fact that I am deleting it, I decided to post my 'Superman Returns' review right here, because I think it is funny.

Superman Returns:

Well for starters, I never expected much considering all the other Superman movies were incredibly cheesy and nothing short of ridiculous. And this one is certainly no exception. The acting starts off incredibly rocky and the ridiculous situations immediately present themselves. Luckily for Lois Lane and the rest of metropolis, catastrophies and whatnot have managed to hold off five years until the exact day Superman returns. Phew! (**Consequently the same day Clark Kent returns**)

Then there is the savior references. Jesus Christ! Literally. I mean we all know superman is there to give us hope and blah blah blah, fight for truth, justice and the american way, but the scene where Superman goes up to the 'heavens' and listens to everyones cries for help, and then chooses what he feels are the most important ones, almost made me lose my popcorn. And I havent even had popcorn since I saw 'Nacho Libre' a week and a half ago.

I could go on and on about this movie and how much it sucked. How come in Superman I, Luther can put a chain around Superman's neck with a piece of Kryptonite on it and he can barely stand, but in Superman returns, he can throw an entire island made of kryptonite into space, while a shard of Kryptonite is lodged in his back? Explain that one to me. Of course that takes us back to the savior reference cause he found the strength to sacrifice himself for us, which is why he began falling to the earth in the form of a somewhat familiar religious icon...the crucifix.

And the love story? Let me put it to you this way...It was as if George Lucas teamed up with those two idiots that wrote the Matrix and then they all teamed up with C.S. Lewis and they came up with this movie. And then Peter Jackson directed the last half hour. I half expected Samwise to come running in the hospital room to embrace Superman and express his asexual hobbit love.

One good thing about the movie. The effects were cool at times. I didnt feel like I was watching a video game during a lot of the flying and action. I expected most of those scenes to resemble the matrix scenes where Neo turns into the Neo from the Matrix official video game.

Either way, I had to see this movie, cause its Superman. I had to sit through the whole thing, cause its Superman. But not even Kevin Spacey and Parker Posey can save the movie, and everyone else's horrible performances just overshadow their horrible performances. Basically I only learned two things from this movie. No amount of protected sex can stop Superman's sperm, and Spiderman III is going to be awesome (it appears they did it right).

Oh and what was up with the Gotham City reference? I mean I know its all DC comics, but they can't do that. And if they do, they should have at least had Batman show up with the Batwing while Luther was kicking Supermans ass. Then Batman should have emerged and said one sentence "You guys mind telling me what you're doing to my blue tight wearing friend", and then proceded to kick everyone's ass cause Kryptonite ain't got nothing on him.