The Dick-Scover-Ey Channel Part IV

Gay, Straight Or Taken: Its like Elimidate with a hilarious twist. Even more hilarious then most of the twists Elimidate has recently been implementing. The premise starts with a girl (or guy but we will use the girl for my example) who is going on a date with three 'eligible' bachelors. After brief introductions with her three dates her phone rings. On the other end is one of her dates girlfriend/wife explaining that if she picks her boyfriend/husband, they get to take the prize vacation that is on the table. Needless to say, this shocks the hell out of the girl and she starts questioning everyone in the group. Just when you think she couldn't get more upset, her phone rings again, only this time it is a man explaining that one of her dates is his gay significant other, and they too want that prize vacation. So the date continues as everyone tries to convince this girl that not only are the other two guys gay, but that they are the right one for her, so they can win a trip at the end. The best part is how they make them do the most homo-erotic dates ever like Gymnastics, Roller-Disco, and Cheerleading, so everyone looks gay. And I know I already said this, but the real best part is when the girl accuses the single/straight guy of being gay at the end and loses. Who wouldn't want to be on this show?

Hot Jolly Ranchers: Those of you that know me, know I have a problem with being too relaxed while driving, which sometimes may lead to driving into farmhouses or something along those lines. I have learned tricks to help prevent this like listening to certain Albums, and having hard candy readily available for long trips. Jolly Ranchers are my favorite as they last the longest since they are super compressed and impossible to bite through. Its as if it originally starts out as a piece of hard candy ten stories high, and then they pressurize it to shrink it all down to its actual size. Its like trying to bite through a diamond with a Watermelon taste. But I digress - Due to the massive heat of the Valley in the summer, my car gets up to 100+ degrees this time of year. And let me tell you, nothing is more disgusting then popping a Sour Apple Jolly Rancher in your mouth at twenty degrees above your body temperature. It makes driving into a house seem like an amusement park ride.

Wearing Shoes: Honestly I don't know how people do it. I have started working again, and I can't wear flip-flops to the office. It is the worst feeling in the world. Maybe I am just not used to it anymore, but the thing I look forward to the most about going home is being able to not have shoes on anymore. I have even been kicking em off when I am in my cubicle and hanging out typing in socks...My feet are claustrophobic. Seriously I HATE it.

The Dick-scover-ey Channel Part III

Grey's Anatomy - If 'Scrubs' and 'ER' were bored in the off season, they would screw and have a baby. The end result would be Grey's Anatomy. And even if this was how the show was formed, rather then just pure plagiarism (the same way most popular shows are created i.e. Family Guy), it would still suck, even though I've never even seen it.

Sugar Ray Leonard Minus Ray Leonard - I've redeveloped my sweettooth ever since giving up fast food and soda. It makes sense due to the lack of refined sugars in my diet, if that even is such a thing. I've had cravings for ice cream, and splurge on candy purchases every now and then. My body is compensating for the lack of deliciousness, and unhealthiness. Its causing me to revert to the good ole days when my lunches consisted of a box of ho-ho's and a jar of pickles. Everyone loved sitting with me at the lunch table, cause I always had a spare twix bar considering I would just stuff the whole box into my little brown bag. I wish I was eating a triple classic wrapped in donut glaze right now.

Wifeswap - Ok I admit, I've been hooked on this one for awhile, but after this weeks two hour season premiere I almost laughed the shit out of my butt. One of the husbands said 'Women are like Puppy Dogs, you reward them with a treat when they do something right, and then you're alright' - and that wasnt even on the episode with the family of Pirates. And no that is not a typo. There was a family that lived by the code of Pirattitude, and even invented 'Talk like a Pirate Day', which was September 19th. This is the stuff you are all missing by skipping this gem of a reality show.

The Dick-scover-ey Channel Part II

Nose Hairs - Pulling out a nose hair is a lot like getting hit in the face with a Basketball. It makes your eyes water and your whole general face region tingle with unpleasant numbness. Why am I figuring this out already? I don't know, but it sucks. I thought I could get away with combing the long stragglers into my mustache, but apparently not. They just dont blend well together. I cant wait til my ear hairs start to impair my hearing. Being a werewolf isnt all fun and games people.

Spices - Following the example of my cooking, thrifty friend Sparky, I have started using various spices while cooking regular meals (since I gave up fast food). Im not using anything fancy, just the regular stuff, like salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, garlic, etc. etc. and it really comes in handy. Before when I would cook chicken or something of the sort, I would use a bottle of marinade or so, which is much less healthy and far more expensive then my current method. With a pinch of this and a pinch of that I can get better flavoring then with that entire three dollar bottle of marinade. Plus you can even get pre-mixed seasonings like mesquite, or lemon pepper. Not too mention it can turn a regular meal of pasta into a delicious burst of flavor.

California Hockey - It turns out there is more ice here then just in people's drinks. And I skate on it at least once a week, and am living proof that hockey is better in the 315. Represent!!!

The Dick-scover-ey Channel

Pandora Internet Radio - Ok so I didnt exactly discover this, it was, and has been being pointed out to me by a couple friends for a month or so now. But it wasnt til today that I decided to discover it for myself. I have only been playing around with it for about an hour and I already love it. It comes in extra handy for me especially these days because I am constantly looking for new music. And at the same time I am re-hashing a lot of my old favorites to catch things I might have missed. This radio site helps me with both. Its a great site for music lovers of all shapes and sizes, even triangle (www.pandora.com).

Vanilla Frosty's - So Wendy's has done it. They've decided to stop their segregation of all things white and make Vanilla Frosty's. The fact that they made it this far with only a chocolate frosty is amazing and shows the true greatness of the frosty itself. But in the last year alone we have seen the introduction of the Fix 'N Mix Frosty, and the Vanilla Flavor. Who knows what kindof heights the frosty will reach by the end of this decade. If only they realized that a spoon used to eat a frosty is just a regular spoon, not a fpoon. Thats like saying each time I eat cereal I use a cerpooneal. Its really holding back frosty production.

Genentech - This company makes Bristol Myers look like a Mom -N- Pop Pharmacy. It has a better public transportation system then Syracuse, and more people working there then George and McMahon have slept with combined. And to top it all off, they were rated the best company to work for in the country and do things like give all their official employees free nano ipods, and Bose speaker systems for said ipods. I mean sure I'll never see one, cause I am a contractor, but I make up for it by making way more money then most regular employees. Suckers. What do they have that I don't? Job security? Who needs it?