Karma-Chameleon

In a recent conversation with my pal George, he said that he believes that once you can stop being such a huge advocate for one particular aspect of music, you can see it as a whole. I thought this was a good observation and really summed up what I have been learning all the while.

I mean I started playing the guitar because I thought it was awesome. I thought a good guitar solo really made a song great no matter what else it may have contained. I would read the occasional issue of Guitar magazine and go out and listen to all the top rated 'guitar' albums, and immediately fall in love with the new riffs and licks by some of the greats.

Mostly I just obsessed with Phish and Trey's amazingly skilled guitar playing. Which can kindof be applied to George's statement if you twist it around a bit, because the same problem applies when you obsess over a specific artist or style even. I spent the first few years learning Phish songs and wishing I could play like Trey, and it wasnt until later that I realized not only how hard it is to perfectly emulate someones style, but how its damn near worthless. What do I look like the guitarist for the String Cheese Incident? BURN. That is when I became more comfortable with learning at my own pace, and developing my own style that may have hints of some of my favorite guitarists, but it is mine nonetheless. And I still have a lot to learn.

Even recently I have been focused on trying to be someone else musically. It has branched past the guitar obsession which is a good step, but lord knows I am a huge fan of Wilco, and when I listen to Jeff Tweedy, there is some sort of connection there to everything he is doing, that makes me wish I was doing the same thing...much like the feeling I used to get from watching Trey play the guitar. But after furthur thought, that even if the world was ready for someone to completely copy Tweedy, it would be damn near impossible. For one, I write songs different, about different things, with different types of melody lines and different rhythms. I mean even if I could sound exactly like him again it would be worthless.

What I really want is to express myslef as well as he does with his songs, and as well as Trey does with his guitar playing. Thats what it comes down to. And its a good realization to be at that acceptance of yourself as an artist, but its a stressful time as well especially when you are as amateur as myself and you have no idea how to get that expression out. But like I said in previous posts, I am making steps in the right direction. I am finally beginning to hear things the way I want to hear them...and I am working on making it possible for other people to hear them.

Will I ever be satisfied? I doubt it. But thats good, because that means I will always be growing as an artist. I always get excited when I reach the next step and then find that I am outgrowing it as quickly as it came along. The only problem is that sometimes I dont have the resources to get out of the rut. It can all be compared to my days sitting in my apartment practicing guitar and hitting learning plateaus there. If you keep working on it, you eventually overcome those plateaus, and you are that much better for it.

So I just gotta keep learning and working my ass off, and maybe someday I will be satisfied. Maybe someday the music will stop playing in my head and I'll be able to get some sleep.