Chro-Monica Man

Its hard having so much going on in your head at once, especially when you dont know how to interpret a lot of it. I have a shitload of ideas kickin around inside dealing with my music and what to do and what not to do, but I dont really understand any of them...and I am still struggling to even obtain the means to extract them out of my skull without fracturing anything.

Sometimes I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I dont have complete creative control over my current band...and even if I did, I dont know enough to be able to take charge and plan out everything exactly how I want it.

To help this problem I am starting to do a lot more on my own, which includes a lot of just learning more of my instrument and even taking up new ones as well. I am hoping to learn how to get my ideas in expressable form to everyone else I work with and make things go the way I see them in my head...whatever that is.

I suppose there will always be compromises to make, especially in the current situation I am in. I know that I will never have complete control over the Human Fund, and maybe thats what has been bothering me so much lately. Maybe I want said control...but I honestly wouldnt know what I was doing if I got it, and the band would be nowhere without the contributions of the other members. But even so, that desire for that artistic control is there.

My solo working will help me gain a better perspective of the whole thing and hopefully will only help the band, and my career as a musician. Unfortunately there is no way to tell what will happen down the road, and for once in my life that bothers the shit out of me. I have never been one to worry, and I certainly have never been one to jump ahead of myself...Ive always flown by the seat of my pants. But this music is different for me. I am trying my best to strive forward and make this shit in my head expressable exactly how I need it to be expressed. And I dont even know what that is...Is this why most artists go insane?

There is just an endless amount of things I can do, but there is only one way to do it right in my head...If I knew how to get that idea out of my head, I would be a lot happier with the end product. I mean I love playing music no matter what it is, or where it is...and I especially love playing with the guys I currently play with...but my search for my sound is not even near completion and its gonna take a lot of exploration in the music world to find it.

I have accomplished a lot as a songwriter in the past months, but I want to accomplish more as a musician and an artist.